(via papertissue)
I’m full of love, I swear I am. And if it would just burst forth, it would smother whole cities. If I could just let this out of me, stop trying to spread blacklamp all over my face and eyes, I’d let it out and then this whole fucking world would see. You’d eat my love for breakfast. You’d store it in your cellars. You’d go to sleep with it. Sometimes you just have to keep reminding yourself that you’re actually alive.
you and i, were going to be okay, you know that?
i love you my kitty, i dont want to disappear, i keep on having to remind myself that soon enough ill see you again, and nothing will seperate us anymore. i want to stay with you forever. i want to remember your smell, your laugh, your voice…everything. its so hard to think that one day this will all be gone..it seems like we just got here.
after i met you…looking at myself became me looking at myself pretending i was you looking at me hopefully falling in love. and now my clothes are the clothes ive worn around you or clothes youve never seen me in. and all the place i took you are now the places weve been.
you are my every thought. and if not, you are always there subconciously and each thought manages to stem from you or branch out to you, its crazy, but i love it.
you are my favourite thing in the world.
and your imperfections are not imperfection, they are perfection and they are beautiful.
and i care about you more than ive cared about anyone else.
and when im with you i dont need anything or anyone else.
and whenever something exciting happens, i want you to be the first person i tell.
and i want you to be the first person i see in the morning.
and the last person i see at night.
and i want to take you everywhere with me, id keep you in my pocket if i could.
and when something is funny, sometimes i look over to see if you are laughing too.
but you are not there.
so i dont know why we arent speaking,
and why this is all so complicated.
youd think that after all of this searching, after finiding you this struggle would be over.
and i might have to live my entire life knowing you are out there and not a part of me.
and that thought is like a gun to my head
but i cant control whats happening
and i dont know how to fix it.
i do need you.
“take i love you and multiply it by the biggest number you can think of, think of everything ive ever done for you, everytime weve held each other, everytime weve kissed, everytime our skin has touched, everything weve laughed about, everytime weve cried in each others arms, imagine how our lives would be, where i first met you, where i first fell in love with you, the first high five we ever exchanged, the first time we hugged, the first time i got you to tell me about your feelings, the first day i came over, all the times ive followed you around mindlessly, all the places weve walked, all the things ive choked on, all the late night conversations, all the webcamming, all the times we stole Bret’s bed, all the times weve missed each other (a lot), all the MTV and VH1 we watched, all the math homework we didn’t do, all the classes we were late for, all the times i embarrassed you and myself, all the days we went without showering, all the times i snuck to see you, all the sweat i would get when i rode my bike to your house, all the times we ditched friends for each other, all the things we taught each other, all the times you told it to me straight, all the grounding, all the freckles, the asses, the tan skin, the pale skin, all the times you thought i was going to murder you and rape you, all the times YOU raped ME, all the screams, all the innuendos, all the in-yer-indos, all the myspace messages, all the wonderful smells, all the beautiful smiles, all the cheek and forehead kisses, all the hellokitty bandaids, all of the hysteric misunderstanding, all the hatred for my parents, all the tumbling, all the mary janes, all the cheese its, all the rainy days, all the times you peed yourself, all the times your friends secretly hated me but you didnt care, all the over the phone pooping we did, all the bebe kitty meows, all the eskimo kisses, and thats still only a fraction of the love i feel for you.”
Love isn’t an act, it’s a whole life. It’s staying with her now because she needs you. It’s knowing you and she will still care about each other when sex and daydreams, fights and futures-when all that’s on the shelf and done with. Love-why, I’ll tell you what love is: It’s you at seventy-five and her at seventy-one, each of you listening for the other’s step in the next room, each afraid that a sudden silence, a sudden cry, could mean a lifetime’s talk is over.
“
| — | Brian Moore (via fuckyeahhlove) |
